Porthemmet Beach

So luvvy that I wrote a song about it!
https://themangledwurzels.bandcamp.com/track/porthemmet

Some really bitter comments on here from folk who don’t get the joke. FYI also tourism is not the main source of income in Cornwall, that would be fishing and farming, thousands of people in Cornwall have no connection to tourism.

Best beach bar none. Always sunny and warm, never rains and the welcome is to die for, as is the surf. Never any wind either. Very easy to find, the directions and maps are great. Love the fact that nudists are welcome, so educational for the children.
Do not miss this beach!

Perfect for visitors, free Kelly’s ice cream all day, great for kids and dogs

Yous buggers ave been tellin fibs. It’s not real is it?

Please take the piss out of us emmets for as long as you want.

Great food on top of the headland, a local treat,chips from the Morrish’s mobile van.  Great spot to catch crabs and polish your rocket if you’re at a loose end.

It is rather ranbunctious at times but it is a jolly good laugh and the titties are vulumtious!

Avoid the only bar on the beach, it’s the collection of sheds and skips in the middle run by an grumpy fat bloke. Bring your own picnics and enjoy the rest of this stunning beach like us locals. You’ll experience a true Cornish paradise.

I’ve never heard anyone complaining about litter on the beach.

Please stay away,you poorly educated northern monkeys just wander from Wetherspoons to Burger king then back to Junction for more fags and tinnies,that’s what you cretins do at home. There’s no need to pollute Cornwall .Head to benidorm where drunken sunburned morons are welcome.

Dog poop everywhere. People drinking and smoking. Litter at every turn. This beach has been neglected as its used by locals.

Best nudist beach in the country with miles of golden sand

Have had some of the best catches here from Cod, Turbot and Tope.
Fish low tide in use blow lug

You lot stay down there, us northerners will stay up here & spend our money locally. You think you’re so smart taking the piss, your only form of income is from tourism. I would love to see how you inbreds cope if “normal people” stayed away!

1. emmet = ant - derogatory term for a ‘tourist’ (see > wikipedia.org/wiki/Emmet_(Cornish).
2. grockle = little clown - derogatory term for a ‘holidaymaker’ (see > wiktionary.org/wiki/grockle).
3. tourists put food on your plate & in your ‘entitled’ stomach -  if it wasn’t for us ‘ants’ & ‘little clowns’, you’d all be on bread & water - and wistfully hoping that tourists would one day come, to give you jobs & income.